You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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