Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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