Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
