I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
