Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
