I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
