i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
