Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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