fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
