Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
ugly people sure do ruin things
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
