He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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