I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
