Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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