if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
