she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
