The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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