I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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