You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
