matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
