hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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