Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
