Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm at about main and main street
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
