Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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