Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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