a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Your dad touched me again.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
