I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
