you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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