Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
