I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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