Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
