It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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