so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
