i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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