this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
