remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
