after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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