my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
