wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
