I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
