Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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