420 ftw
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
