We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
