Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
