I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
