WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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