I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I currently don't understand fingers.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
