Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
