i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Oh god it's open bar.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
