We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
