My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Sorry my hands just texted you
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
