Do vagina's smell?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
