Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
