fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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